In Florida my imagination needs a little help. We like it when it can snow 24 hours a day and we don’t need to shovel the driveway.

Author unknown. I found this version at the golf course on a crumpled up sheet of torn paper. Ho! Ho! Ho! to everyone!

AKA: Die Fliege, La Mosca or Musca Domestica. Your choice. Shhh as herein uttered is a scatological euphemism. As a youngster Shh was a benign request for silence. SHHH! was a demand for muteness. Failure to comply had consequences. Oh boy. Enough said. Which of these words was used first? The answer: Euphemism, circa 1681. Scatology, 1876. BTW, the housefly has a lifespan of 28 days. Now you know.

If you had a hammer would you be working for the railroad or would you be hammering out love between your brothers and sisters all over this land? I would rather be a hammer than a nail. How about you?

This is a practice session. The real deal will be done at the historical Dunedin railway station as soon as they finish restorations. Try not to look at the swinging microphone. Two people with Type A personalities have already been hypnotized.

The thoughts expressed in this song do not reflect the views of the singer.

Who says you can't take an obsessive cleanliness disorder to the grave? Be kind. Thank you.

To all my addicted friends: light one up and supply the missing word in this sing-along classic. Remember this: cigarette smoking causes 87% of lung cancer deaths. Enjoy the song.

This is a story about an impecunious customer, Meatball and a contumelious waiter. Sad.

I sing this song in hopes the drought will end. My crooked hammer and nails stand at the ready near the bed. Unfortunately the cat and mouse are completely dehydrated. Requiescat in pace.